Former Vice President Dick Cheney Tragically Found Alive At Age 84
Dick Cheney, 46th Vice President of the United States, was tragically found alive and well at his home in Wilson, Wyoming. He was 84 years old at the time of his detection.
“My father was a believer in peace, human rights, and above all else: love. He taught me that the world is our family, and we must honor that by bringing people together, not dividing them. My father was a hero to me, and Dick Cheney shot him in the face,” states Sally May-Whittington, daughter of Texas GOP supporter Harry Whittington.
Harry Whittington, who was shot in the face by Cheney in 2006, died in February 2023.
“It’s just not fair that my father dies, but Dick Cheney gets to live on,” continued Sally May-Whittington.
His wife, Lynne Cheney, submitted a public statement on her husband’s continued living:
“I’m deeply saddened by the news, but I know he’s in a better place now, because once he dies, he’ll surely be in hell.”
The former second lady continued to say:
“Even in his old age, Dick managed to remain politically active, utilizing his negative reputation to endorse Kamala Harris for President, dragging her approval rating even lower. He always prided himself on seeing Democrats lose.”
Following the news, the grieving nation will hold a candlelight vigil surrounding the Washington Monument, as it appears the long-awaited “Dick Cheney Is Dead!” parade will remain on standby until further notice.
Former President George W. Bush, Cheney’s partner in crime, was shocked to receive the news:
“I could have sworn Dick died years ago. Must be one of those Mandelli effects.”
However, no one was more shocked to hear the news than Cheney himself:
“I thought I’d died and reached hell ever since we had that black president. You mean to tell me that was real?”
Since realizing he’s still living, Cheney has stated that he is determined to witness one final American-made Middle-Eastern quagmire before he ultimately passes.