Nelk Boys Continue Podcast Despite Growing Calls To Kill Themselves

The Nelk Boys, known for their podcast and popularity among late-20-year-olds still attending middle school, reportedly hosted Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on their podcast this Tuesday.

This move by Netanyahu is a bold initiative and recognizes the importance of building support for Israel within the mentally handicapped community.

The interview, which has not yet aired, is expected to be released on Monday. Yet, that hasn’t stopped the public from forming their opinions on the matter.

“I sincerely hope they at least consider suicide,” states New York City local Francis Chalmers.

Thousands have already taken to change.org to sign the petition calling for their self-inflicted deaths. Following reports of Netanyahu’s appearance on their podcast, requisite polls show support for their suicides at 87% among US adults. This is up from 57% support in March 2025.

A GoFundMe to raise funds for suicide materials; rope, chair, cyanide pills, etc, has reached $121,000, 1210% of its initial $10,000 goal.

Thus far, the Nelk Boys have shown no signs of moving forward with their suicides. Aaron "Steiny" Steinberg, of the group, has stated his plans to release a written response to the public outcry once he “learns how to spell words good” and “knows how to write stuff.”

However, some who’ve seen their videos don’t believe the group of young men needs to commit suicide:

“They shouldn’t kill themselves. It’s not painful enough. There’s a reason it’s called ‘the easy way out.’ If we were a proper country, we’d peel off their skin, or burn them limb by limb, like in the olden days,” states Dr. Ann-Marie Lopez, Professor of Diplomacy and International Relations at Harvard University.

The suicide prevention hotline is on standby and has been altered to ignore incoming calls from members of the group.

As for now, there’s nothing left to do but wait. But, don’t hold your breath, as their suicides hinge on the Nelk Boys exhibiting a characteristic they never have before:

“My only fear is that the ‘boys’ are too stupid to partake in self-reflection of any form. Judging by how they dress and talk, especially considering they’re 30-year-olds, it appears they’ve never taken a look in the mirror or considered their actions whatsoever. I’d be surprised if they ever felt guilt, remorse, contrition, or really anything beyond being drunk,” stated former President Barack Obama.

God has decreed an apology to the world for “creating those dumbasses” and has covenanted with Satan to reserve their place in hell.