Netanyahu: 'I Had No Choice But To Strike Iran, We Ran Out Of Gazans'
The genocide in Gaza appears to be taking a toll on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
This Friday, Israel launched an offensive strike on Tehran, the capital of Iran.
“I had no choice but to strike Iran,” Netanyahu stated during a Saturday press conference, a tear rolling down his left cheek. Then, he mustered up the strength to deliver the real blow:
“We’ve run out of Gazans to kill.”
The heartbreaking news tore through the room of reporters. A journalist from the Times of Israel stood up and objected:
“You monster! Who will we indiscriminately bomb now?” shouted the reporter.
Netanyahu, clearly fighting through the shame of his over-indulgence, responded to the reporter’s question:
“Fear not. I’ve found us more brown people to bomb,” he stated.
A wave of relief rushed over the press conference.
“As many of you already know, we’ve launched a new initiative to begin bombing Iran. I’m told their population is estimated to be over 90 million, and almost entirely Muslim, which should last us well into the next five years,” Netanyahu expressed to the crowd.
“Although,” he continued. “We will have to share. It’s not right for us to explode brown people in the Middle East without the United States having a share of the pie. We owe them that much.”
He then broke out in more tears, displaying a compassionate side rarely seen by the general public.
“I didn’t think I’d miss them so much.” He said, referring to the extinct Gazans.
“They were so easy to blow up and slaughter. I only wish there were more of them, still here, to murder and exterminate.”
Another reporter then stood up in protest:
“You fool! Iranians are nothing like Gazans. They’re capable of fighting back! We’re all gonna starve.”
“Exactly!” Netanyahu retorted.
“They are capable of fighting back! That’s why I needed to bomb them before they could bomb us.”
The reporter then sat back down in remorse, and Netanyahu continued his announcement:
“Before I launched the strikes on Iran, I obtained clear intelligence reports that the Iranians were only one nuclear weapon away from obtaining nuclear weapons.”
The crowd gasped in fear.
“However, we mustn’t move forward, without remembering the lessons of the past. This time, we will be more self-disciplined in our strikes. We will allow the population to have time to recuperate between bombing campaigns. Never again, will I allow the great nation of Israel to run out of brown people to exterminate!” He cried out, thus concluding the press conference to roars of applause.
Prime Minister Netanyahu is to visit the Oval Office to conduct negotiations with President Trump regarding Iranian bombing allotments.