Opinion: Chuck Schumer Needs To Step Aside, Let Younger Democrat Fuck His Wife

by Iris Weinshall-Schumer

It’s time Chuck, let younger voices be heard orgasming.

We are at an extraordinary time in history: The president of the United States is conducting corruption at a level never before seen, democracy is at risk of being destroyed, and the man leading the party that should be combating these dangers has my pussy feeling bone-dry.

I’ve stood by Chuck’s side since the 1970s, but it's clear to me, as it is with many others, that he simply isn’t up to the task. When he first became a congressman, he was energetic, courageous, and confident. I used to be paralyzed from the vagina down for hours after we made love. Now, he no longer has the fight I once saw in his eyes. I can’t even remember the last time I had to use our safe word “bumfuzzle.”

He was once a fearless man, unafraid of rulebending or open defiance. We’d screw when we wanted, where we want: The house floor, against his office windows overlooking the congressional plaza, even in the pool of the Washington memorial. Now he seems content abiding by a rule-book which was thrown out by the Republicans a decade ago.

The last time we attempted to make love, rather than take action and have his way with me, he sat beside the bed and wrote me “a strongly worded love letter.” Nothing could have turned me off faster. I’d cite the letters lackluster diction, but I no longer have it on account of using it to wipe my ass.

Chuck is slowly dooming himself to repeat Biden’s public decline in physical ability and approval. If someone doesn’t step up to the job soon, I’m worried that the Democratic Party will be doomed to never making my panties sopping wet again.

There is plenty of young blood in the Democratic Party, waiting to take higher positions. It’s time they were given their fair chance.

25-year-old David Hogg was recently given a position as DNC Vice Chair before having it revoked. The nullification of his election was plainly wrong. A young person like that should be granted the same opportunities that Chuck was granted in the 1970s. He should have every right to pin an old cougar like me up against the wall and make me scream.

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, 35, is also someone who’s recieving growing popularity as a leader of the Democratic Party. While I’ve only experimented with another woman once, in the Brooklyn College dorms, I certainly wouldn’t mind wiping AOC’s signature red lipstick off my cooze any day of the week.

The list of people I’d rather be in bed with than Chuck goes on and on. He must step aside before his risks tarnishing his reputation and legacy any further.

Let this article serve as a formal invitation, or rather a call to action. It is time for young Democrats to step up and command me to bend over. My bedroom door and legs are open to any young-Dem willing to chomp away at this wrinkly old cooter.