Trump Already Eyeing Up 'Younger, More Attractive' Bill
This Thursday, Congress has passed President Donald Trump’s “big, beautiful’ bill. The bill is forecast to be signed by President Trump on Friday, July 4, 2025.
However, it appears heads are being turned, as President Trump is already looking into a “younger, more attractive” bill.
“When the Congress and I first drafted this bill, it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Elon tried to warn me about her, though, but I guess I just had rose-tinted glasses. Now I'm realizing Elon might’ve been right: There’s a little too much fat on her.” Trump told a group of reporters during a White House press conference.
A reporter then asked Trump if he was getting cold feet or reconsidering his decision to sign the bill into law:
“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still throw her on top of my desk and sign the thing. But that’s really just until something better comes along. I’m a young guy, I’d like to keep my options open.” Trump responded.
Trump then listed some characteristics he’s looking for in a future bill:
Hasn’t been signed by so many guys that it’s all worn out
Doesn’t make too much of a fuss when being signed
Not interested in children
Conservative ideology
Not too much fat
Doesn’t question his authority
So attractive that it makes other bills jealous
Hates minorities
Republican members of the Senate are already drafting the bill at Trump’s behest, but some members of the Senate think President Trump needs to temper his expectations:
“Sometimes you have to settle for a bill that’s not perfect, but has some of what you’re looking for. You can’t keep holding out for this hypothetical perfect bill to come along and swoop you off your feet. Stuff like that only happens in fairytales,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD).
Later in the day, a White House correspondent asked Trump if Melania had any thoughts on him keeping his options open, to which he replied, “Who?”