Trump Orders Reopening Of Alcatraz, Jurassic Park, Amity Island Beaches
This Sunday, President Donald Trump announced his orders to reopen Alcatraz Prison, Jurassic Park, and Amity Island Beaches.
The order came following an AMC Network classic movie programming schedule running all day Saturday. The lineup included Escape from Alcatraz (1979), Jurassic Park (1993), and Jaws (1975), among other movies.
“We have this great big beautiful island called Isla Nublar and it’s just sitting there accumulating dust,” Trump said in the Oval Office on Sunday.
“I happened to see a great documentary called The Lost World, and you have all these dinosaurs running rampant in once great Democrat run cities like New York. What did they think was going to happen when they closed the island that the dinosaur cages were on?”
Trump took to Truth Social to reiterate his intentions to reopen Jurassic Park, stating:
“We will no longer be held hostage to Judges that are afraid to do their job and allow us to remove DINOS who came into our Country illegally. The reopening of JURASSIC PARK will serve as a symbol of Law, Order, and JUSTICE.”
However, Jurassic Park wasn’t Trump’s only focus during the Sunday White House Press Conference. He was also concerned with the lack of beachgoers on Amity Island.
“And now people are even afraid to go in the water at some of our great beaches, we have the best beaches and the people are afraid to swim. They say there’s sharks in the water, Biden says there’s sharks in the water. There’s no sharks in the water, and even if there was, they’re probably Dino-sharks from Biden, and we will be getting rid of those.”
Critics of the reopening order claim that Jurassic Park and Amity Island are fictional places that do not actually exist, but haven’t been able to provide evidence to substantiate their claim.
“I have a copy of Jaws lying around somewhere, I just can’t seem to find it,” said director Steven Spielberg, a vocal critic of the reopening order.
Trump has not let public detractors sway his steadfast position, and his supporters continue to remain by his side.
Whether or not the locations mentioned in the order are fictional, it appears to already be taking effect. Since the order was enacted, there has not been a dinosaur-related death in New York.