Trump Seriously Beginning To Regret Molesting All Those Children
“If I’d known you guys were gonna make such a big deal out of this, I’d have hardly even molested those kids,” stated President Donald Trump, responding to supporter backlash over the administration’s handling of the Epstein files.
MAGA is in uproar following Trump’s failure to publicly release “the Epstein list,” breaking a major campaign promise. Last week, the Trump administration denied that such a list even exists.
“There is no Epstein list, and even if there was, there’s probably a lot of phony stuff in there. And who’s to say what’s true? It’s all she said, I said.” Trump told a group of reporters in the Oval Office on Wednesday.
Trump, who has become accustomed to the unwavering support of his followers, is seemingly finding it difficult to cope with the backlash.
“I mean seriously, who gives a fuck? This scandal is like forever years old. I haven’t even molested a kid since probably the 90s. These people need to find something better to do with their lives than obsess over the underage girls I’ve slept with,” Trump told Fox News outside the White House.
Trump’s not alone in his battle, however. Attorney General Pam Bondi is also defending the administration’s decision not to release the Epstein files. Bondi responded to questioning of the release denial this Thursday:
“Epstein files? What are you saying? You honestly believe that there’s an island for the pedophilic rich elite to go molest children? Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a conspiracy nut,” Bondi told a reporter.
Bondi continued her rant, saying:
“Even if there was an Epstein file for us to release, do you know how much we’d have to spend on wite-out? Then we’d have to pay someone to go through it for hours and hours. It would cost millions. We’re trying to save taxpayer money, not blow through it on frivolous sex-crime investigations.”
Trump, desperate to evade the spotlight of the recent backlash, is trying anything and everything to distract the media. Just today, he displayed his newly acquired nose and belly button piercings in public and shouted the n-word at a blade of grass.
It appears the media is taking the bait, as MSNBC and CNN have spent hours calling out what they say is evidence of the president’s mental decline:
“As an American, I can excuse the pedophilia, but the belly button piercing looks like shit, let’s be honest,” CNN reporter Abby Phillips stated before her panel of bipartisan correspondents before they debated the unprecedented nature of Trump’s piercings.