U.S. Troops Graduate From L.A. Training Camp To Begin Fighting Brown People Abroad

“It’s an honor to apply my training in Los Angeles to fight real brown enemies overseas,” said Private Jason Marsh of the U.S. Army.

The United States has begun shifting military personnel and resources from Los Angeles, CA to the Middle East following an Israeli missile strike on Iran. President Donald Trump defended the reallocation of military assets and America’s lasting commitment to Israel’s protection in the Oval Office this Friday, stating “We must ensure that Israel has the right to endanger itself, and the United States.”

For many U.S. soldiers, the timing is near perfect, as 30,000 troops recently completed their “fighting brown people training” in Los Angeles this week.

Sergeant Redd Grant believes the shift for the U.S. soldiers will be a smooth adjustment:

“I served in Iraq starting back in 04, it’s really no different than battling brown people domestically. I’ve always said Muslims are like the Mexicans of the Middle East.”

While Sergeant Grant thinks the transition will be painless, there are a few key differences between L.A. training camp and Middle East deployment:

“Sure, the mission statement is the same: ‘If it’s brown, shoot it down,’ but, deployment is much more intensive than training. During training, you’re rarely allowed to fire your weapon, and if you do it’s usually with rubber rounds. It mostly serves as a blunt object to beat protesters with. In the Middle East, however, you have to shoot first and ask questions later. It’s a much different mindset,” states General Lee Hammond.

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth spoke before the press where he displayed his excitement for the upcoming deployment:

“Iran, wow. This is the big leagues folks. We’ve wanted this war for so long, now that it’s actually here I can hardly believe it. I just want to thank my mom, my dad, and all the people in my life who’ve gotten me to where I am today. Under the brave leadership of myself and President Trump, the United States’ military can finally go back to doing what it loves; bombing brown people.”

The news of the deployment has received bipartisan support from U.S. officials. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) spoke on behalf of his party on the Senate floor:

“I haven’t had a hard-on this solid since we took down Saddam. Let’s do this boys.” Schumer stated to massive applause.

The deployment comes just one day before the “U.S. Military 250th Anniversary Parade” planned for Washington DC, and President Trump reportedly couldn’t be more pleased with the timing. The parade is estimated to cost $45 million and will celebrate America’s long history of killing brown people and other minorities domestically and abroad.